What Simple Quality Can Help You Live a Better Life?
I have been learning about “Beingness”. It is a concept I’ve heard thrown around in the past and I always thought of it as some weird, metaphysical thing that involved meditating and sitting still for way longer than I wanted to.
What I’ve realized is that it’s so much more than that. By choosing into beingness, I am choosing into a better life.
When I wake up and choose into a specific Quality of who I want to be, circumstances don’t affect me so much. I am not rattled and at the mercy of what others think and do. I thought this might help some of you as well.
As an experiment in how my beingness could overcome my natural emotions, I tested this theory out for a week and here are the results:
On Monday, I chose into being PLAYFUL.
Result: I was flying back from Colorado and through a comedy of errors (i.e. we didn’t realize our phones didn’t update for the new time zone in Minneapolis) we missed our connecting flight. I actually had laryngitis as well and couldn’t communicate with the Delta Airlines desk clerks to explain the situation in anything more than a whisper. In the past, I would’ve been so frustrated and would’ve let the circumstance bring me down and cause me stress.
Because I had chosen into Playful already, I showed up in a much different way. This playful version of me thought the whole situation was hilarious and I literally laughed for an hour. My stomach hurt because I was laughing so much. Dealing with the circumstance like a kid made me show up in a really fun way and made the experience so much better.
What I learned from this was that I actually have much more control over my thoughts and feelings if I choose into them before an unfortunate circumstance comes my way.
On Tuesday, I chose into being VALUABLE.
Result: I have always had a fear of people choosing out of my life if they saw the real me. I thought that being authentic left me open to rejection so I often hid behind a façade.
On this day I chose into worthy and I actually had a good friend call me because she wanted to choose out of our friendship. She saw some things in me that reminded her of her and it made her uncomfortable. So what did I do? Not what I would’ve done in the past which was to get sad and feel bad about myself. I knew my value and it made it easy for me to let her go. It was a true gift because it gave me the opportunity to self-validate instead of looking to someone else to make me feel whole and complete.
On Wednesday, I chose into being JOYFUL
Result: I was texting with a friend – someone I held in very high esteem. I felt that she wasn’t giving me as much as I was giving her over text and I really wanted to ask if there was some distance on her end. I had just dealt with the situation around the other friendship the day before so I had some feelings running around in my heart.
I asked myself “What would a joyful woman do in this situation?” I went from writing out a text that came from a victim place saying, “Are you being distant?” to a much more joyful text that told her how much I cared about her.
I formed my question in a much more encouraging way. Her response was so positive and it felt much better to come from a responsible place of inner joy than a place of sadness and insecurity.
On Thursday I chose into being LOVING & LOVABLE
Result: Today I loved myself and others to a higher degree than I usually do. I was able to focus on my daughter and really love on her. I found myself speaking words over her that were so loving, things that I usually don’t say to her. Just focusing on living into that beingness allowed me to really focus on being tender toward her with my words and actions.
I also chose into lovable and I focused on being a woman who people loved automatically. It helped me make decisions toward my husband because when I felt lovable, I could love him more. When I saw value in myself I had more to give. There are times when I get stuck in my stuff and don’t give him a lot of love. He appreciated this very much.
On Friday I chose into being VULNERABLE
Result: I attended another seminar this weekend (can you tell I like personal development?! ;). Because I chose into being vulnerable, I was able to share what was going on inside – the things that I usually like to hide from the outside world.
I chose to open myself up and really accept the feedback and love that people were willing to give me. In the past, I have struggled with this because I liked to keep my cards close to my chest. In choosing to be vulnerable, I felt much more authentic and other people gained because I created space for them to also feel comfortable sharing their deep, dark struggles.
On Saturday I chose into being WORTHY
Result: I continued on with my seminar and because I felt worthy I approached people and talked with them, believing that they wanted to speak with me and get to know me better. I noticed that being worthy meant that I opened myself up more because I didn’t care what others thought of me. Of course, I hoped they liked me, and at the same time if they didn’t I wasn’t super concerned. I knew that I had a lot to offer and I believed in myself. When I believe in myself I am capable of showing up so much better in life.
On Sunday I chose into being COMPASSIONATE.
Result: I have a 2.5 year old, who is wonderful and also can cause me to feel stressed when she is in a mood. When she was whining about not getting something she wanted (a glass to play with on the tile floor) I was able to choose into compassion. Instead of getting upset with her I was able to choose into being sensitive to her plight and love her in the moment.
It helped me understand her more and really empathize with her. I could’ve gotten frustrated and lashed out and thinking about being compassionate caused me to take a step back and look at how I really wanted to show up with her. It saved an even bigger tantrum from ensuing and I felt like a much better mom for choosing to love and understand her.
So how can this help you? Well I would suggest that you could try choosing into a quality every day. It could be the same quality each day or you could choose different ones, depending on what you want to step into.
On days when I might feel insecure because I have a big presentation, I would choose into Confidence. On days when I spend a lot of time with my daughter I could choose into being Present so that I can really focus on her and not the other 20 things I need to do.
It’s totally up to you – whatever you feel would assist you in showing up the way you really want to that day. This technique is a process and may take some time to really step into on a regular bas – so give yourself some grace.
We are all on a journey and I believe this tool really helps me walk the path that will serve me and others to the highest degree. The other option is to let feelings run our lives, but how well does that work? For me, not so well.
When I am at the mercy of circumstances, my feelings can change from moment to moment. When I choose into a quality at the beginning of the day I focus on being that and my emotions come second.
I would love to hear your feedback if you try out this technique – I hope it helps you on your path as much as it’s helped me.