Don’t be Selfish — Be Soulfish!
I hate the idea of being selfish — even though I’ve struggled with it daily throughout my life.
Maybe wat I really hated was the idea that OTHERS would see me as selfish.
Because I cared about what others thought of me I gave and gave.
I gave everything I had.
I gave so much that nobody could ever call me selfish.
I gave because I wanted people to see me a certain way. I was giving and hoping for respect in return.
It is never ideal to give and expect something in return.
Sidenote: I recently wrote a blog called “How to Give and Expect Nothing in Return” — worth a read if you struggle with how to give freely.
Back to the topic at hand…
Being respected felt good, however it still didn’t take away my desire to put myself first. I still wanted to take care of myself and have people respect me at the same time.
So as I slid from the left side of the scale — where I cared what EVERYONE thought, to the right side — where I now only really care about what the CLOSEST PEOPLE think about me, I learned that being some version of selfish could actually be a good thing.
But what did that look like?
The definition of selfish is “lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure”. I really don’t like the idea of tliving my life as a representation of this definition.
I’m assuming many of you agree regarding your own lives.
Ultimately, we do care about people and we don’t want to live a life that shows we only care about ourselves.
So I figured that there had to be a middle ground — and that middle ground to me is being “Soulfish”.
I heard this word from a friend the other day and I was mesmerized by it. It resonated with me right away, as I love to feed my soul.
When I feed my soul, I give more to others because I am healthy, whole and complete.
I wondered if it was actually a word used commonly in the English language — one I just hadn’t heard of until the other day.
There are new words popping up all the time in the Urban dictionary so I wanted to check my facts before I posted.
I could not find evidence that it was a word with a description that fit my interpretation (ie: one that doesn’t involve an actual fish).
Since I couldn’t find a definition for it I created my own (please tell me if there is a definition out there that fits my interpretaton because I’d love to know!).
“Soulfish” is the opposite of “selfish”. My interpretation is this:
- Selfish is about me and Soulfish is about others
- Soulfish is about a deeper connection to something bigger than our own desires
- Soulfish represents feeding into a place deep inside us, when taken care of is pure, clean, aware and abundant in giving, receiving and loving
- It is a way of being that says “I care about me so much that I am going to fill my soul to keep it at its best so I can be the best version of me for others”
It means that when I need time alone to fill my soul, I take it.
When I feel sad due to tough circumstances, I make time to mourn, read an inspiring book or talk with a close friend.
I fill my soul so I can give more to others.
And this type of giving is not because I want people’s respect, it is because I want to love and care of myself to such a high degree that I have an abundance of love, authenticity and gratitude to give to others.
This to me is a true expression of giving unselfishly.
“We cannot give to others what we don’t have inside ourselves”. — Unknown
Every day I commit to have a soul that is fed and full so that I can create space for others to experience the love and peace and coming from me.
When my soul is weak and close to empty I struggle and the people around me struggle. In my opinion, this is not ideal for me or anyone I come in contact with.
If I’m at the grocery store feeling depleted and I snap at the cashier, am I improving her day?
When I get upset with my husband or daughter because I haven’t had time to regerate internally, am I creating a positive home environment?
The question is this: Why wouldn’t I want to be the best version of myself?!
To the best of my ability, I want to show up as the most amazing version of myself every day!
To me, this means eating well, getting enough sleep, spending time with friends, singing, taking time to write and journal and having alone time for at least an hour every day.
And sure, I can always choose to be the best version of me even on my off days, however it is much easier to be filled up internally and have that spill out, than to feel empty and force myself to live into a specific quality.
Eventually it gets harder and harder to choose into joy, peace and love when my soul isn’t healthy.
So if you are struggling with being selfish try being Soulfish.
Take care of you so that you feel full.
Do the things that create an abundance of love, joy and peace in your life.
Make time to fill up and self-honor in whatever way feeds your soul.
Only YOU know what you truly need to regenerate and be ready to face the world in a positive and healthy way.
Be Soulfish and take the opportunity to care for yourself so that you can care for others.
Feed your soul so that you can give all the light that is within you to the rest of the world!